and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
