so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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