with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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