you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
