i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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