I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
