apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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