I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The best revenge is premature balding
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
