Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
