can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
