Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
