I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
