i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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