that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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