I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I currently don't understand fingers.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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