I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
