I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
