Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
