11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
