i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
