Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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