I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
