when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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