Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
