Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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