I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
