me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
