so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
