the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
