I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
don't judge my taste in strippers
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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