i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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