Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just blew my weed a kiss
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
