You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
