But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
