her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
