put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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