As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
