Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
