is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got inside last night via doggy door
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
