sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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