Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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