help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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