I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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