Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
