My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
