Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
