apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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