I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
