I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
