I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
