You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
