your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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